January 31, 2011

Epiphany, or A Reason to Tell Our Stories

Greetings Friends,

I want to share with you an experience I had recently. On January 16th, the ITL was invited to share at the Community House Presbyterian Church on Pittsburgh's North Side. Flanked by Mad and Jen's husband Bob, I listened as Reverend Wayne Peck recounted the story of the Epiphany: when the Wise Men came to realize just what role Jesus was to play and brought gifts to him. What I took from the sermon were the themes of light, of new ways of seeing, of new ways of thinking that causes you to act. I was raised Jewish and so going to Church has been a kind of novelty to me. I like the ways in which Community House creates its own community through real sharing, support, and common goals.

In the themes of spreading awareness, new ways of seeing, etc., the ITL was invited to come share a little bit about the project and I was asked to share a bit about myself. I was nervous to introduce myself and talk about what it means to me to be transgender but I felt strongly that sharing my experience was important in this context. Over the course of about a minute I said that it's important for me and for my community to share my experience of being transgender, in part because one would probably not know that about me upon first impressions. I also relayed how detrimental it can be to feel at odds with oneself--how that reduces one's desire to self-care and take care of others.

I believe there are many overlapping themes between coming out as transgender and acquiring any new identity through big life changes. Like being in recovery, like becoming a parent, like beginning to question authority figures, like making a major career change. And when a person transforms, their story changes. Stories of transformation are universal. We learn about ourselves, each other and the world through storytelling. So what does it mean when some people's stories are told, not by themselves, but by others and without regard for compassion and authenticity? We lose unique perspectives of the world, and the world becomes smaller, regulated by those with the power to tell others' stories. Being trans is about having a unique story to tell. One that can be (and is often) erased by those who would choose to have us not exist. 

I want to share a quote that I came across while researching for my senior thesis. In the early 1980's Sandy Stone wrote "The Empire Strikes Back: A Posttranssexual Manifesto" in response to Janice Raymond's transphobic "The Transsexual Empire: The Making of the She-Male". You can find Ms. Stone's pivotal text through the super-amazing zinelibrary.info site. This essay changed my life and I think about it often, and all the ways we closet ourselves, and all the ways the personal really is political.

She writes:
[T]ranssexuals must take responsibility for all of their history, to begin to rearticulate their lives not as a series of erasures…but as a political action begun by reappropriating difference and reclaiming the power of the refigured and reinscribed body...

I could not ask a transsexual for anything more inconceivable than to forgo passing, to be consciously "read", to read oneself aloud--and by this troubling and productive reading, to begin to write oneself into the discourses by which one has been written--in effect, then, to be come a ...posttranssexual. Still, transsexuals know that silence can be an extremely high price to pay for acceptance. I want to speak directly to the brothers and sisters who may read/"read" this and say: I ask all of us to use the strength which brought us through the effort of restructuring identity, and which has also helped us to live in silence and denial, for a re-visioning of our lives. I know you feel that most of the work is behind you and that the price of invisibility is not great. But, although individual change is the foundation of all things, it is not the end of all things. Perhaps it's time to begin laying the groundwork for the next transformation.
From bird of paradise

 --
Thanks for reading,
Rayden

January 20, 2011

It's official!

I am writing this blog from my new cube at the Regional Internship Center on the South Side.

I started work here on Tuesday and since then:

I've gotten a run down on all the various social media outlets we use,
I've drafted my project plan and started thinking about how to get it really specific,
I've attended my first all-staff meeting of Coro Pittsburgh,
I've been introduced,
I've made small-talk,
I've tacked up my 2011 calendar,
I've commuted across the Smithfield Bridge in the gray morning and seen the frozen chunks of the river floating on top,
I've been thinking really big,
I've been thinking about how huge Coro's network really is,
I've posted my first entry on the Regional Internship Center's blog

So, probably after one more draft I'll post some of my project plan up here so you, dear reader, may get an idea of what I'll actually actually be doing. A lot of people have been asking me things like, "So tell me...what will you be, uh, doing?" And I can see how that is really a valid question. It's kind of a theme around here at the RIC to need a moderate amount of time to explain just what is it that we do. Explaining what the ITL is takes more time, and then if I have to come out on top of that, well...But, really, I think it's a good thing we'd really have to have a discussion to understand what we do here. It's hard to measure human interaction, social change, purpose and interconnectivity. I imagine I'll be working on a succinct quip until the end of the program. In the meanwhile--we're making connections here!

January 4, 2011

The Next Step

As the new year begins, I am thinking ahead to the start of my fellowship and all the ways it may change things in my life. I have met again with folks from the Regional Internship Center in order to get further acquainted and also to get a better idea about what it will be like to work with them. I met with Mad over dinner last week and she asked some really tough questions. I'm talking more and writing more and reflecting more...

I can more clearly now the scope of this project, how the missions of Coro Pittsburgh, the Regional Internship Center, the Initiative for Transgender Leadership are all wrapped up in my own mission now. This is not just a 10 month job to get me through. Here is a chance to do all that self-work and more I doubted I could do. Here is a chance to ally myself with a lot of people doing a lot of good work. All those goals and big ideas that have been clattering around in my head for some time might now get a chance to take center stage.

Michael Baltzer at the RIC asked me a great question when we met a few weeks ago: Where do I see myself and the ITL fitting into the RIC? Why here? Why now? I shared my own questions about how it would be to be more fully out on the job than I have ever been before. Being so out has great potential to initiate discussion and bolster the RIC's and its parent organization Coro Pittsburgh's missions.

So--why here? Why now? I think it helps that I am so excited about being in Pittsburgh now. I see myself as a part of this community--as a queer person, as a young person, as someone who votes, as a part-time farmer, as someone who cares about social justice and environmental issues, etc. This fellowship is one avenue by which I can serve all of these communities and all the parts of myself.

I see many themes emerging as this project moves forward: community, meaningful work, being one's whole self, commitment to diversity, "talking through it", why here? why now?, telling our stories, solidarity & support.

I like where this is going...

--Rayden